A comment from one of my LinkedIn connections in Norway:
“I realize this is probably contrary to your line of work, but what I think is needed is not more coaching for older women, but for society to stop discriminating against them. No matter how well prepared a CV or resume may be, how well-researched an industry, how well prepared for interviews, how updated one’s skills may be, there is a measure of job and age discrimination that are very real, and I think that’s part of a wider conversation.”
Get society to stop discriminating against older women? Absolutely! “Wider conversation”? Definitely. Here in the United States, we’ve been having that “wider conversation” since 1869, when women first demanded the right to vote. It took 150 years, but we got there.
The Equal Rights Amendment to the U.S. Constitution was originally penned in 1923. It was put before Congress every year for the next 49 years. It finally was passed in 1972. From there, it went to the individual state legislatures for their ratification.
From inception to today, with 15 of the 50 states yet to approve of the amendment, 90 years have passed.
90 years.
So…change society? Lovely idea. I’m all for it. At the rate we’re going, I’ll be dead and gone before the Equal Rights Amendment is passed. Probably my great-nieces, too.
Back in the 1970s, this entrenched, institutional bias against women made me furious. And when I decided to focus on helping women succeed, that anger resurfaced. Fortunately, I’d gotten smarter and wiser. I realized I could rail and rant and rave all I wanted, but to what end? It surely hadn’t worked 45 years ago; what made me think it was going to work now?
So I put on my coaching hat and asked myself, “Yeah, this is bad. Besides being pissed off, though, what are you going to do about it?”
The solution was clear: Help women, individually and in small groups, improve their lives. That’s how to change society…from within.
All I can do is help women of all ages make the best of what they’ve got — which is often way more than they recognize. Give them the tools to make better choices. Teach them how to ask for more and get it. Provide tips on how to handle people who treat them like doormats. Tell them they are better, smarter and stronger than they think they are. Help them stand up for themselves, at home, at work and in the marketplace.
Because a rising tide floats all boats. When women are stronger, when they make the money they deserve, when they speak up, they not only make life better for themselves and provide a great example to others, they improve society as a whole.
Coaching women is what gives me joy. It gets me out of bed in the morning. Sometimes, it’s incredibly sad, too. Women have been so conditioned to give instead of ask, stay silent instead of speak up, seek levels of perfection that simply do not exist, nurture guilt instead of personal pride that many of them don’t feel they have any choices.
That’s a lie. It’s a story they’ve been told so many times that they believe it themselves.
They don’t believe they deserve better, but they do.
Women deserve better
By the time women seek my help, a very few of them are so beaten down that they have lost all – and I do mean all – sense of balance and proportion. Everything is a catastrophe, from getting stuck in traffic to being fired from their 30-year job. They often have no idea of what is right and what is wrong for themselves and they take on the protective coloration of the expectations of others.
And they. Are. Miserable.
Some of them wonder why they are way they are, how they got to this place. My answer: Ultimately, it doesn’t matter. What’s important is if they can move on from the “why” to “what can I do going forward.” If they can, then we’ve got the start of a plan that will bring real changes to their lives. And the opportunity for real happiness – which always starts on the inside.
So yes, this is my business – but it’s also my passion. That’s why I’m a success coach for women. I focused on where I can do the most good and make the largest contribution to achieving those ideals I hold dear.
The challenge of working with women who have bottomed-out is where to begin. And the answer to that is the same as to the “why” question: It doesn’t matter.
Start anywhere.
I have a strong sense of self, I am confident, I have mad skills gained from nearly 40 years as a newspaper executive and later as the CEO of a nonprofit. And it still took me 3 years of trial and error, mostly learning what I didn’t want, before I “came home” to what I was meant to do.
Finding your strength and power
The sooner you begin – anywhere – the sooner you’ll end up where you want to be; the sooner you will find your strength and your power. When you’re in that sweet spot, those around you begin to change as well.
And because of your individual strength, multiplied by hundreds and thousands, society changes, too.
Start anywhere. Just begin.