I got this email from one of the women in my time management webinar, and I don’t know whether to weep or scream or pull out my hair – or all three.
She writes: “My team consists of 3 people other than me. I really work by deadlines. I have never missed a deadline yet. Therefore, people rely on me in terms of critical duties.
“Whenever a team member complains about the intense conditions of his job, I share his duties to lessen his burden. Whenever the office needs a report to be submitted to any high-level person, I write those reports. Whenever something has to be written or prepared for the first time, I’m the person to do that. But I also have my routine jobs that I should perform.
“In the end, I don’t get time to breathe. I work at home, I work on the weekends. I put my priorities back all the time. (For example, I can’t finish my master’s thesis, because I bring the job home.)
“I don’t know how to say no. Because I feel like saying no is equal to irresponsibility. I also cannot make a person finish his job by using my position as a manager because I use empathy so much and feel sympathy toward that person. I don’t know how to change my habits.
“Thank you very much for being there and making me feel like I’m not alone in this. I thank God for small miracles :)”
• • •
Oh my. There is so much here — more than can be addressed in a single email or blog article — and it all wrenches my heart. But I will say this: Jane (not her real name), you are not alone. Not even for a minute. There are many, many women in the same spot as you are. And I will add, in the most loving way possible — your team members are taking advantage of you and you are letting them.
- You have no boundaries
- You always put yourself last
- You shy away from using your authority to make changes in the workplace
All of these challenges can be turned into opportunities, not just for you but for the people you supervise. I will not get into setting boundaries, becoming more assertive, how to handle manipulative behavior or any of that because I’ve covered it elsewhere (probably ad nauseum to my regular readers).
How to act like a boss
Instead, let’s talk about your situation from a strictly management standpoint. Here are some comments and suggestions.
- You are the supervisor. And sometimes you have to make hard choices as a boss. It is your job to make sure your employees are doing their work, not doing it for them. Taking on their work, on top of yours, is doing no one any favors and ultimately it is harming the company. You might even say you’re cheating the company because you are not doing the job you were hired to do.
The easy way to make hard choices as a boss comes down to one of two alternatives. If your whining employee cannot handle the “intense conditions of his job,” then:
- He needs more training in order to do his job or
- He needs to find less intense work elsewhere
Start with the training and see how that works. Give him (and yourself) a deadline to see how well he steps up. If he fails to improve, then institute progressive discipline, giving him specific goals to achieve over a limited period of time. Make sure he knows, up front, that his job is at stake and you want him to succeed. Review his performance regularly. If he hasn’t met his goals, fire him.
This isn’t easy to do or pleasant, particularly if you are new at supervision. But it helps to understand that you are doing everything in your power – shy of doing his job for him – to help him succeed. You can still sympathize with his plight and have empathy for what he’s experiencing, but he is responsible for his own success. As you are for yours.
If, ultimately, he does not excel, you will be doing him a favor by letting him find employment better suited to his temperament. He will be happier (eventually). You will be happier. You will earn the respect of the other members on your team for firmly taking control of the situation. And you can find someone who is better suited for the vacated position. It’s a win-win. Trust me on that.
- Delegate. You have three people working for you. Why are you doing all the reports and official paperwork? From your comments, it sounds as if you are volunteering to do those things, which are not part of your regular job responsibilities. You need to stop, particularly if it is impacting your own job performance.
Find the people on your team who can handle these paperwork duties. Perhaps each person can take on a particular piece so as to not burden a single individual with it all. Train them, if they need it. Be available if they have questions. Pay close attention to their work and show them how they can improve. Be appreciative and generous with your praise.
Recognize that you are developing your team members, and improving their value to the company, by giving them the chance to learn and grow. By doing it all yourself, you are denying them that opportunity, while at the same time putting your own goals on the back burner and driving yourself toward collapse.
Step up, Jane! You owe it to yourself, your team members and the company. You were hired as a manager because your bosses thought you had what it takes to do the job.
Now it’s time to show them just how right they were.
What’s your best advice on handling tough supervisory issues? I’d love to learn from you! Please share in your comments below.