We all want to be successful, right? So what’s stopping us?
Fear. Fear of failure, sure, but fear of success as well. The first is easy to understand (although it can be embarrassing to admit it to ourselves), but the latter has always puzzled me. Why in the world would we be afraid to succeed?
Fear holds us back from success because we are hard-wired to survive. If we take that chance, make that big change, in order to succeed, that threatens our survival (at least in our lizard brain).
We may not be happy with where we are, but you know what? It’s safe. It’s comfortable (even when it isn’t — the devil you know, after all). It’s what we know. It’s what keeps us “safe” — from failure and, unfortunately, from success.
Our lizard brain doesn’t know the difference between keeping us physically safe and psychologically safe. To that part of us, anything that upsets the status quo is a threat. Changing jobs, ending bad relationships, moving to that place where we always dreamed of living — this are all risks. And any risk is a threat, which is a menace to our self-preservation.
So there we are. Stuck. Making the same excuses. Letting our lizard brain govern our conscious lives. Keeping us small. Preventing us from exercising our ambition to do more and better.
If you have a fear of something that interferes with the activities of daily living, like the fear of being outside, and you can’t find a way around it alone, please seek qualified professional help. But if the things you fear are not life-threatening, but keep you from becoming the highest and best “you” that you can be, answer the questions below.
What do you fear?
- What are you afraid of? What, specifically, holds you back? It can be extremely helpful to keep asking “why” until you get to the cause of your fear.
- Is it realistic? Will doing what you fear put you in physical danger? Is what you fear likely to occur?
- What needs to change? Many times, what we fear is simply based on a lack of knowledge, the proverbial “fear of the unknown.” What can you do to learn more? Who can you ask about it? Use your rational mind instead of letting your lizard brain control your life.
- What’s the very worst thing that can happen? Take it to the extreme. Then ask yourself: If the worst thing does happen, can I survive it?
Most of our fears involve the ego – being embarrassed or looking foolish or having people laugh at us. All of those are survivable; very few of the things we fear are fatal.
Let’s take the answers you’ve given above and use them — and your fears — to move you forward.
- How would you feel if you overcame your fears? Be specific. You might feel happy, relaxed, empowered, free, excited, strong, able, open, joyous and so on.
- How would overcoming your fears change your life? These could be feeings, but they could also be more physical: By changing jobs, you would make more money. By moving to a new location, you would be open to new relationships. By losing weight, you would be healthier.
- What would your life look like? Imagine it in every detail — your environment, the work that you do, the people around you, your home, whatever you can bring to mind.
- What can you learn from your mistakes? Thomas Edison did not create a commercially lightbulb the first time out. Or even the thousandth time. He famously said, “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” Each “failure” brought him closer to success; it can do the same for you.
Use the information you’ve gathered and the insight you’ve gained to take the first step toward mastering your fear. Always keep in mind how you will feel when you succeed, and then take concrete steps to get there.
What thing do you fear doing that would help you move ahead if you just did it?