If you think bullying is something that only happens on the playground, think again. There are widely varying statistics about the prevalence of workplace bullying — between 8% and 75% — but the fact of the matter remains, it’s real and it’s happening to millions of people.
Part of the reason for the discrepancy on the numbers is that bullying in the workplace is not illegal; there is no standard by which workplace behavior can be measured.
Workplace bullying
What is workplace bullying? One of the most commonly accepted definitions is “repeated, unreasonable actions of individuals (or a group) directed towards an employee (or a group of employees), which are intended to intimidate, degrade, humiliate, or undermine; or which create a risk to the health or safety of the employee(s).”
It can take many forms:
- Verbal abuse
- Threatening behaviors
- Intimidation
- Interference with work, such as piling on more work that can be done or deliberately withholding information needed to complete the task
- Manipulation
- Humiliation (including making fun of people and condescending comments)
But often the true sign of workplace bullying is what it does to the rest of your life, outside the office.
- You dread going in to work, so much so that you want to throw up just thinking about it.
- Your family starts ragging on you for obsessing about work while you’re at home.
- You feel listless and exhausted all the time or, conversely, agitated and anxious.
- You don’t enjoy your favorite activities anymore.
- You blame yourself for the way you’re being treated.
It’s bad enough when the bully is your coworker, but what if it’s your boss? What do you do then?
Handling the bullying boss
First of all, it’s important — but very difficult sometimes, if you’ve been the victim of long-term, systematic abuse — to recognize that you are being bullied. Once you put a name to it, it helps reduce self-blame. And then understand that it’s not you that’s the problem but the bully.
No doubt there are deep, underlying psychological issues that cause someone to bully others. It could be insecurity or an extension of how he’s been treated or just plain meanness, but it’s not your job to figure out why. Your job is to recognize that it’s happening and to take care of yourself. Taking those steps will help move the responsibility of the bully’s behavior off your shoulders and on to his, where it rightfully belongs; and start you down to road to better physical and emotional health.
How to deal with a workplace bully
Here are some other steps you can take to deal with workplace bullying.
- Make sure you’re doing your job correctly. Show up on time, dress appropriately, take only your allotted breaks and make your tasks are done on time.
- Don’t be insubordinate. Unless what you’ve been told to do is patently illegal or unsafe, do it. And then document it.
- Put that documentation into a letter to file. Write down what happened, what was said, when and who witnessed it, if anyone. It’s easy to get flustered when you’re under attack, but if you get it down in writing immediately, it does two things — creates a record and provides a longer view of the bullying behavior that may eventually reveal illegal behaviors, such as discrimination based on race, sex, religion, age and so on. These behaviors also could be a violation of company policy.
All of these things will help you make your case should you decide to take it higher up the food chain, over your boss’ head. Understand that your boss’ boss is the one hired or kept the bully in the first place, so you may not get the desired result. On the other hand, it could very well be that the higher-up was looking for just such documentation of a bad apple in the barrel and use your information to take action.
In either event, it’s a good idea to start looking for another job right away. I know — the boss is wrong, and yes, you’re going to stand up against this abuse and yes, you should not be chased away from work you love.
This is the point where you have to ask yourself some hard questions. Do you still love the work? Your workplace is a snake pit; how can you enjoy the actual work in a hostile and demeaning environment? Even if you do love your work, you can take that love to another place, doing the same kind of thing, without all the emotional baggage you’re forced to carry at your present job.
Also consider your health. If you’ve been abused in the workplace to the point where you dread going into work and your belly hurts all the time, you’ve probably got other things going on — like high blood pressure — that you’re not even aware of.
If you decide to blow the whistle on your abusive boss, you should be prepared to walk out the door. Make sure you have another door you walk through to reach the life and work environment you deserve.
Have you ever experienced bullying in the workplace? How did you deal with it?