Have you or someone you know been hurt by gossip? Pretty much everyone falls into that category at some time in their lives.
People gossip for many reasons. They could be trying to ingratiate themselves. They could be frustrated, angry, anxious or bored.
Whatever the motivation behind it, gossip is hurtful and unproductive – a 2002 study says an average of 65 hours per person is frittered away each year in gossip. Gossip breeds mistrust, self-esteem and self-confidence issues, lots of anxiety and low morale. And stopping gossip starts with you and your own behavior.
Lead by example
First of all, don’t be a gossip yourself. By participating in gossip, you are telling others it’s OK to do so.
Most gossip in the workplace can be traced to inadequate internal communication. Do you meet with your entire staff at least once a month to pass along important information? Do you regularly communicate with people outside of formal meetings? Do your colleagues know you’re available to answer their questions?
Face-to-face communication is always the best, but with so many people working as independent contractors or from remote – and sometimes global – locations, it’s OK to put it in writing. Try a weekly e-mail to fill in the gaps between group meetings.
Just remember that written words are easier to misconstrue than conversation, although even talking is no guarantee. Be sure you check for understanding before moving on to the next topic or task.
If gossip is an issue in your workplace, set aside time to talk specifically about it. Outline the problem, then establish the standard: Gossip will not be tolerated. Tackle it as a group issue, because to change the culture, everyone is going to have to buy into it.
But while you’re seeking group awareness and action, don’t ignore the inveterate gossips. Tolerance begets more gossip. Deal with them individually.
If gossip is fracturing your workplace, consider having a five-minute “gossip” break at the beginning of each meeting. Let people share what they’ve heard and use that opportunity to give people the facts. The more information you share with your staff, the less need there will be to gossip.
All well and good, you say, but how do you actually prevent people from telling tales?
The two easiest ways to deal with gossip are to walk away or change the subject.
Or you can pull out any one of these gossip-stoppers:
1. “I’m not comfortable talking about ___.”
2. “I don’t like talking about other people because I don’t want them talking about me.”
3. “Have you told Jane that directly?”
4. “If this really bothers you, you should go talk to him about it, not to me.”
5. “Really? I’ve always found her to be ___. Do you know if your information is correct?”
6. “Let’s hold off on talking about Anne until she’s here.”
And my personal favorite:
7. “I hadn’t heard that about ___. Let’s go ask him!”
If someone is gossiping about you, meet it head on. Go to the gossiper and say: “I heard that you’ve been saying ___ about me. Please come to me directly with any questions or comments rather than talking with our co-workers about it.”
A few people deliberately set out to ruin someone’s reputation; if they work for you, get rid of them before they ruin your department or company.
But most people gossip without thinking about it. They aren’t bad people, but the results of mindless gossiping can be disastrous just the same.
What’s the worst experience you’ve had with gossip and how have you handled it? Did it work out? Please share in the comments section below.