All of a sudden, there seems to be a rash of talented, smart and successful businesswomen who have lost their minds.
I know, that sounds really harsh. But in the last few weeks, three women in my circle have suddenly reverted to 1950s behavior.
One was just named among the top 25 influencers in her niche in one of biggest cities in America. She wanted to know, “Is this something I should add to my stuff?” Another has been quoted extensively on topics within her area of expertise, in major publications online and in print…and she downplays it. The third has been named a “hero” by her employer, one of the largest companies in her industry in the United States. And she won’t say why, at least not publicly.
Own your successes
Ladies…seriously? Why would you not want to celebrate those successes? Why would you not want to say, “I just got this great comment from one of my clients” or even “My first souffle was a roaring success”? What is wrong with taking deserved credit?
Part of it, I think, is the way women have been brought up. They have been taught that it’s unseemly to stand front and center, to call attention to themselves. That somehow people will think less of them if they point out the great things that happen to them due to their own hard work, talent and skill.
This is a major reason why women comprise only 17% of board members on Fortune 500 companies. This is part of the reason why women make only 77 cents for every dollar a man makes.
Never doubt this: You are stronger, better and smarter than you think you are.
For anyone who is suffering from unwarranted bashfulness or reluctant to take credit where credit is due, here are some tips:
- Figure out why you feel the way you do. It could be a serious challenge, like an illness or a drastic change in lifestyle.
- Once you know what’s triggered your drop in self-esteem (or your lifelong belief in it), listen to your self-talk. What are you telling yourself about the situation and — more importantly — your own role in it?
- Ask yourself: Is this true? Are you indulging in “all or nothing” thought processes? In other words, “If this happens/doesn’t happen, I will be a complete failure.” Are you screening out the positive things and focusing only on the negative? Are you jumping to negative conclusions: “If I don’t get this job, I will become a bag lady and end up living under a bridge”? Are you confusing feelings with facts? You may feel like you don’t have much going for you, but is that actually true?
To get the answer to that last point, here’s an exercise that can help.
How to get your mojo back
Write down everything you’ve done in the last 20 years. Big job, but it will be worth it.
You’ll probably start out with major business or job accomplishments, but don’t forget the fun stuff, too. Have you traveled overseas? Volunteered at the local library? Mentored a high-school student? Taken a CPR course? Served on a non-profit board of directors?
If you’ve done some really dumb things – liking hiking in the desert without enough drinking water, or running out of gas in the middle of the interstate at 3 in the morning – put that down, too. Capture it all. Let your mind go wherever it likes.
You’ll start off strong with a fairly well-defined list that sounds a lot like a resume. That’s OK, because you should have an up-to-date resume anyway. And you’ll naturally begin to create major headers with subcategories below them.
As your list develops, I guarantee one thing: You will be shocked (and pleasantly surprised) to see that you have skills, talents and accomplishments that you never even realized you had.
There are two bonus points with that – you’ll get a well-deserved ego boost and at the same time you’ll identify quantifiable accomplishments that can help you get your self-esteem back.
Own it
Go ahead and luxuriate in that feeling for a while. It’s a good place from which to launch your next step: Narrowing down your now-voluminous list to just three. (You got this!)
Maybe you’ve discovered that you’re super at helping people solve problems. Maybe you’ve learned that you handle pressure exceptionally well. Or that you’re a very quick learner who can juggle many tasks at the same time. How about that major project you finished on time and to great reviews?
These things are worth celebrating…and acknowledging. Don’t hide your light. Take the credit. You deserve it. Be proud of who you are and what you do. Own it.
The world would be a lesser place without you.