The call from my financial planner came in before 9 a.m. Monday.
“It’s time to look for a job” were his first words.
Subtly is not his strong suit.
He didn’t need to tell me the state of the retirement fund that he manages for me. In the last four years of working on my coaching and consulting business, I have gone through nearly $100,000. Yeah. A hundred grand.
Soon – very soon – I would no longer have any funds to transfer into my checking account. The bills would still keep coming. The house payment. The car payment, which will end in December, thank God. The utilities, which I wish were cheaper. After speaking to my friends about how much I have to pay for my utilities each month, they’ve told me that I’m paying way too much, and have urged me to switch energy providers, (click here to read more for yourself), to see if this will help me save more money at the end of each month. As I still have a lot of things to think about, like the cat food and litter; can’t forget about that…I have dependents that are counting on me to provide a safe, healthy and (mostly) clean home.
In a way, hearing him tell me this was a relief. He was taking the decision out of my hands. I would start looking for at least a part-time job that would still allow me to work on my coaching business.
“Work your contacts,” he said. “You know everyone in the Keys.”
After the call, I asked my bookkeeper to send me an accounting of my monthly expenses so I could figure out how much I needed to keep my creditors – and my cats – happy.
“I hate to see you do this,” she said. “You already HAVE a job. I want you to do what you’re so good at and what makes you happy.”
Coaching women
Yeah. Me, too. I love coaching women. And yet…there’s that pesky mortgage payment.
By the time my business coach’s mastermind call came around that same afternoon, I was not just in a funk, but pissed off, too. And it showed.
Everyone on the call was so incredibly supportive. The web developer/SEO expert sent me some suggested website changes that would help me rank higher in search. Several asked me why I focused solely on women when – let’s be real here – there are more men making more money than women do.
Which sent me off on another rant. I help women because I can. I’ve been there. I’ve done that. I’ve got the knowledge, skill set, experience and passion to help them get where they want to go.
The musical theater actor told me to watch my energy; clearly, what I was displaying during the call was a result of huge internal tumult, anger and fear topmost, and I said to them what I would NEVER say outside the group. She recognized that and still…she figured that attitude could be getting in the way of my reaching and helping the women who can most benefit from what I have to offer.
Clive Maloney, my business coach, identified what I’ve been ignoring and gave me explicit instructions on what to do and how to do it. How many prospects to contact. What to say. How soon to follow up.
By the end of the day, I had 6 pages of barely legible notes and a head stuffed absolutely to overflowing with ideas and pointers. I shut down the computer – shut down my head – and immersed myself in play.
What kind of life do you want?
And that’s when things started to clarify for me.
- I have no regrets spending down my retirement account. If I retired at 65 (instead of 62, as I did a few years back), my retirement account would have gone probably even more quickly. And I would have been looking for a job at about age 68. Uh-uh. That prospect is even grimmer than trying to find a decent, well-paying job at 64.
- This is not about getting a job to make ends meet. It’s about the life I want for myself, now and in the future. I cannot see myself punching a cash register into my old age (which is always about 15 years ahead of whatever age I happen to be).
- To quit now would be like the marathon runner who has spent 4 years training and pushing herself to compete and when the finish lines comes into view, exhausted and in pain she says to herself, “Screw this. I’m done. I’m walking away.”
No. No, no and more no. I am not that woman. I never have been and I never will be.
I can do this. I know how to push through the fear. The finish line is just ahead. I’ve done it before and I can do it again.
And I will.