Happiness: Cause or effect?

“When I am/have ____, I’ll be happy.”

We’ve all been told that this is the wrong way to go about being happy. What we need to do, the happiness gurus tell us, is to be happy with whom we are and what we have – right now, in this moment. Don’t rely on external circumstances or other people to make us happy.

And that makes sense on all levels. But lately I’ve been wondering if we’ve been looking at happiness from the wrong end of the spyglass.

Instead of saying, “When I am/have _____, I’ll be happy,” how about this: “When I am happy, I am/have_____”?

Getting what you want

In other words: Happiness as a cause rather than an effect.

I know, I know – it sounds like I’m playing with words (always a fun thing to do!), but stick with me. The differences are subtle but worth exploring.

The effect of happiness has been floating around in my head as I deal with regaining weight I lost three years ago (after much effort and great expense). I’m trying hard not to castigate myself, to give myself a pat on the back when I resist temptation and all that good self-talk business. It works, to a degree, particularly if I tie my success to a particular feeling (joy, contentment, satisfaction, etc.). But make no mistake: It’s heavy lifting, emotionally and psychologically.

However, when I look back at my life at the times when I was thin(ner), I come to one inescapable conclusion: When I am happy, I am thinner. Not vice versa.

Happiness as a cause, not as an effect.

Hmm.

This led me to consider other possible happiness cause-and-effect relationships. How would my life look if I were happy (or happier)? Here are some of the things that came up for me.

When I’m happy, I’m:

• Thinner
• Content
• Relaxed and calm
• Productive
• In control of my life
• More likely to go out and have fun
• More likely to engage with others
• Confident
• Expansive
• Open to new ideas
• More likely to do new and different things
• Less judgmental and more forgiving

I don’t know about you – and would love to get your take on this in the comments below – but happiness as a cause of good things in my life as opposed to solely being the result of my actions gives me a different perspective.

Pursue…or accept?

It also brings up the whole “pursuit of happiness” deal, as promulgated in the U.S. Declaration of Independence. The declaration is a hallowed document for Americans. But take away the context of this phrase and look at the words. Doesn’t “pursuit of happiness” make you exhausted?

“Pursue” as in chase, hunt, seek, race, run after and fight for.

Couple “pursuit of happiness” with all the things we have been told  (at least subliminally) that we must have in order to be happy – a big house, a fancy car, a super career, a successful business, a loving spouse, lots of money in the bank – and I wonder this:

Who the hell has the time or energy to actually enjoy happiness once they get it?

I would be an awful coach, unworthy of the title, if I ignored the fact that we often have to work to be happy. Most of that work comes from unlearning all the crap we women (in particular) have been taught – that we are not smart enough or good enough to even want things for ourselves, let alone get these things. And yeah, that’s hard work.

The good news: Once you do the work (coaching is invaluable for this), it’s generally done for good although you may need the occasional tune-up or reminder.

What do you think? Is happiness the cause of good things in your life or vice versa? Please leave your comments below.