Our friends at Microsoft kicked up a storm recently by saying that women should have “faith that the system will actually give you the right raises as you go along,” that it’s “good karma” to sit by meekly (OK, that’s my take) and let your good work speak for you.
Horse pucky.
If we sat around and waited for others to take action, women would still be waiting for the right to vote. We would still be at the mercy of those who believe that they know what are the right choices for our own bodies. Women would still be waiting for the right to own property. We would still be waiting for equal rights and equal pay (wait…we’re STILL waiting for those…but you take my point).
Ask for what you want
My experience has been this: If you don’t ask, you don’t get. Pure and simple. We may not get it, but at least we have made the effort. And that’s good for our self-confidence and self-esteem.
We can improve our chances of success if we follow this negotiations checklist:
- Be prepared. It is not enough to say, “I deserve this” raise, promotion or whatever else it is you want. What are others in your position earning? How have you contributed to profitability of your company? What have you done that’s above and beyond that is deserving of additional money or authority, and how can you quantify it? Showing up is not enough.
- What does the other side need? It’s important to understand not just what you want, but what the other side needs…and their options. What pressures are they under? Understand their problems, and offer them the solution. Remember, it’s not about what you offer, but how it benefits them.
- Listen. Ask questions. Let them speak 70% of the time.
- Observe and mirror. You are being evaluated most intensely in the first 5 minutes, so mirror the other person emotionally. If they are relaxed and laughing, that’s what you do, too. If they are businesslike and stiff, adjust yourself accordingly. But don’t mock them by being obvious.
- How low are you willing to go? Decide that up front. Don’t be too narrow in your focus; have a Plan B. And don’t accept the first offer, unless it’s what you want. That’s why it’s called “negotiations.”
- Be confident, not desperate. Just like dogs can smell fear, people can sense desperation. Go into it knowing that if you don’t get what you want, you can walk away from it. That will give you psychological armor that may not be visible, but can be sensed anyway.
- Don’t underestimate your value and your worth. Always ask for more than you’re willing to accept. Negotiations are about give and take. Remember the Law of Attraction — expect more, and you’ll get more.
- Don’t focus on personal issues — yours or the other side’s. Frankly, the boss doesn’t really care that your expenses have gone up; his have, too. Or maybe the prospective customer has bad breath. Don’t let it bug you. Focus on the outcome that you want.
- Always come away with something. If you give away something, be sure you get something in return. If you don’t, future negotiations with this person won’t go well for you because you’ll be considered a pushover.
- Practice, practice, practice. There is no reason to go into a negotiations session cold. If you’ve done your homework, ask a trusted friend/adviser/coach to practice the conversation with you ahead of time. Tell your practice partner how you expect the other side to react, then ask them to exaggerate it. You’ll have plenty of chances for “do-overs,” and it will build your confidence for the actual negotiation session itself.
It’s not greedy or selfish to ask for what you want. It’s a sign of self-worth and self-respect.
What negotiations technique has worked for you? Please share!
Jackie, coming from corporate America, I really appreciate this negotiations checklist. I’ve used this model many times in negotiating for myself. One thing I have always done is include the business justification and how I’ve contributed or saved the company x,y,z.
I believe that if we want something, we have to lean in, take a seat at the table and ASK!
Love it, Tandy! Business justifications is perfect…you’ve got to let people know what you achieved, not just what you did. And I bet you were successful in your negotiations, too, weren’t you? thanks for stopping by.
Loved your “Horse pucky.” comment. HAHA. Great post and it’s time we stop waiting go for what we want. I encourage my granddaughters to go for the top, not because it’s there, but because they can and want it.
Good for you, Claudette. Every action we take — or not take — has a long-term impact that many of us don’t even consider. Thanks for being there for your granddaughters.
As I was reading your incredible tips, I was thinking I hope Jackie suggests we practice, as it is easy to have everything down pat before you go into the conversation, but so often people are easily thrown by something they might not have been prepared for. I’d like to think that women are bolder in standing up for themselves and hopefully more comfortable doing it too. As the saying goes, “We’ve come a long way, got a long way to go… My hope is we keep moving forward in our march to equality in the business place, however, there are some forces in play that do not seem to want women to be equal and are doing much to stop our progress. Onward and forward we go…
Oh yes, practice is key, Bev. When I work with clients, I become the Interviewer From Hell, making it as awful as I can to help my client feel more comfortable in the face of awkward questions. And the only way we as a group can move forward is if we’re willing to move forward as individuals. Thanks for your comments.
What a great negotiations checklist, Jackie. It’s vital to do your homework, know what the other side needs and be prepared with a convincing reason why you are worth more. Speaking up is really hard for some women (some men too) but I think that is changing as we gain confidence and understand our worth.
So true, Tami! Do your homework, know what you can ask for based on your credentials…then add 30% (if you’re a woman, since women in the United States still suffer from about a 30% pay disparity). You fear what you don’t know, and if you don’t know your own value, you fear speaking up about it. Thanks so much for coming by.
Nice negotiating checklist. I’d say one of the biggest things is to show your value and what’s in it for them. You can ask for anything and if you’re worth it, it’s a lot easier to get. If you don’t get it – maybe you’re better off going someplace where you don’t have to wait for it. Horse pucky indeed!
Ha! I’ll tell you one thing that has become abundantly clear to me, Cathy — sometimes not getting what you want is a good thing. I could name a half-dozen sales attempts that “failed”…and shortly thereafter, those businesses went under. Hmm…now that I think on it, you think there’s a cause and effect? That could be part of my sales pitch: “The last 6 businesses that turned me down filed bankruptcy within a year.” 😉
This is such a powerful article Jackie! Absolutely ask for what you want. Once I was interviewed by the Executive Director and Clinical Director of an Agency. I said “I want his job – referring to the Clinical Director and in a couple of months it was mine! I’ve also negotiated with a Crisis Response Agency I am credentialed with and increased my hourly rate. It is a self-esteem issue and asking for what you want (and deserve!) raises your self-esteem.
Wow! Glad that worked out for you, Candess. Being that bold in the interview process definitely shows you’ve got what it takes to get the job! You touched on two excellent points — your self-esteem and your perceived value — how YOU perceive yourself. Good stuff! Thanks for your comments.
Asking for it is so right on. A great reminder for women as we have learned, if even unconsciously, that asking is that others do when they need us – but not some much we do for ourselves.
Horse pucky indeed! Be clear on what you want and be willing to fight for it.
Amen, Rachel!
I agree with you. Women should communicate what they want. Don’t expect that things would happen as there are not enough mind readers. Even the Universe is asking that you declare what you want.
So true about reading people’s minds. I see so many women doing that, getting mad when their men don’t give them the gift (for example) that they want for Christmas or their birthday. And I say, “Did you say what you wanted, or were you just expecting them to magically figure it out?”