Top 10 excuses why women give up before they start

Most of what holds women back is in their heads. Don’t believe me? How many times have these statements featured in your self-talk?

1. “I don’t know enough.”
2. “I’m too old.”
3. “I’m not qualified for that job.”
4. “I’m not smart enough.”
5. “I could never ask for that much money.”
6. “I’m not sure I could lead a team.”
7. “It’s too much of a stretch for me.”
8. “I’m not good enough.”
9. “I’m not ready to take on such a big challenge.”
10. “I don’t have the experience to do that.”

Lots of negative self-talk going on here, and these are the top 10 excuses why women give up before they start. Let’s dig down on each one of these, look at some possible solutions and suggestions on how to reframe your thinking, which makes it easier to transform the negative self-talk into something more upbeat.

How to overcome negative self-talk

• “I don’t know enough.” This excuse holds less water today than ever. It’s amazing how much you can learn just by asking Ms. Google the simple question, “How can I ____?” Thanks to online research, I have learned how to change manuscript formatting for Kindle, how to find out what a website is built on and how to create image buttons for PayPal. And that’s just today. If it’s depth of knowledge you’re seeking, you can find online courses that will teach you just about anything. If you prefer more personal interactions, look for community college courses, seminars, lectures and programs given in your area. And for really up-close-and-personal, reach out to people you know who are willing to help.
  • New self-talk: “I know I can find the information I need.”
• “I’m too old.” God knows, I’m no genius, but I taught myself how to build websites at age 60. It took 60 hours, but I did it. At 63, I am a first-time book author. As proud as I am of those accomplishments, they feel kind of paltry compared to the woman who ran her first marathon at 86, the aviator who got his pilot’s license when he was 87, and the 97-year-old singer who made musical history when she reached the top 20 in Great Britain. But they do give me hope for the future!
  • New self-talk: “I am smart and experienced and I know can do this.”
• “I’m not qualified for the job.” Few of us – if any – are 100% qualified for any job we do, from parenting a newborn to operating on someone’s brain to being the president of the United States. So much of everything we do starts with basic knowledge (although some of us need to have “front” and “back” printed on disposable diapers), which we then build upon with on-the-job training. This is who we are: Imperfect but capable of learning and growing into virtually any task is set before us.
  • New self-talk: “I can learn what I need to get the job done well.”
• “I’m not smart enough.” Ask yourself: “How smart do I have to be?” Smart enough to do…what? If we’re talking quantum physics, maybe. If we’re talking about learning how to create terrific social media images for our business, refer to the first item.
  • New self-talk: “I know what I need to learn for any new task or responsibility.”
• “I could never ask for that much money.” Why not? Find out how much your peers are making in the same job, create a list of your quantified accomplishments, come up with 3 negotiations options, practice your speech with a friend, and then sit down with your boss (or client) and just…ask. Are you afraid you’ll hear “no”? Here’s a news flash: If you don’t ask, the answer will ALWAYS be “no.” Why not take a chance that the answer will be “yes”? Be bold! You have nothing to lose.
  • New self-talk: “I am confident that I’m worth it. I have amazing skills and a deep understanding of my own gifts and abilities.”
• “I’m not sure I could lead a team.” A bit of uncertainty is good. Keeps you sharp. But it should not be holding you back. Take a step back and review all the times you displayed leadership qualities at home, in the community or in the office. Even better, find some trusted others (people you can trust to tell you the truth) and ask them how you have demonstrated leadership skills. If you feel you’re a bit light in that department, ask Ms. Google: “How can I develop leadership skills?” I got 333 million hits. Surely, one or two of those could help you improve in that area.
  • New self-talk: “I have plenty of leadership experience and am open and willing to learning how to improve.”
• “It’s too much of a stretch for me.” We all need some stretch; otherwise, we stunt our own growth. If you hear this in your head, or coming out of your mouth, ask yourself: “What do I need to learn to be able to do this?” Chances are you’ve already got most of the skills – you just need to give yourself a little push.
  • New self-talk: ”Doing and learning new things is easy and exciting. I have what it takes.”
• “I’m not good enough.” Ask yourself why you believe this – and if it’s true or a story you’ve been told.
  • New self-talk: “I can do anything I put my mind to.”
• “I’m not ready to take on such a big challenge.” Sweet pea, no one is completely ready to take on a big challenge. Sometimes they are thrust upon us and we have  no choice. Have a heart-to-heart with yourself to find out what you think you need to be ready – then go do it. It’s never as fearsome as you think it will be.
  • New self-talk: “I am open to new opportunities. I can do this.”
• “I don’t have the experience to do that.” And how, exactly, do you get the experience if you don’t…you know…do it? You have more experience than you think. Go back to a time in your life when you successfully took on a new task or job. How did you do that? Did you have to take classes? Did you learn as you went along? Did you ask for advice? Reexamine this thing that has you jumpy, and see how you can replicate the same steps that led you to success before.
  • New self-talk: “I am strong and capable. I’m willing to try new things that expand me, personally and professionally.”

How did you change your self-talk to propel you forward? And what was the result? Please add your comments; I’d love to hear!

P.S. I am SO happy to announce the publication of my book, The DIY Coaching Manual for Women: How to Transform Your Life in 12 Months.  Get your copy here: https://www.amazon.com/DIY-Coaching-Manual-Women-Transform/dp/0692623604