Women and networking: We’ve been doing it wrong

Does this scenario sound familiar?

You get your sparkle on, grab a handful of business cards and head out to your local networking luncheon or after-hours event. You hang with buds you haven’t seen since the last time you attended one these deals, laugh and scratch, listen to the program (if there is one) and when you leave you think:

“Well, that was certainly a waste of time and money. At least the food was half-way decent.”

And next month, you do it all over again…with the same non-results.

You’re networking wrong

If this describes your experience, you’re not alone. When it comes to networking, most women are doing it wrong.

First, let’s talk about what networking is. The Merriam Webster Dictionary calls it “the exchange of information or services…specifically the cultivation of productive relationships for employment or business.” (emphasis added)

How odd…not a single thing about hanging out with your friends or chowing down on cheap food and drink.

In order to effectively network, you need 2 things:

1. A plan
2. Ask for help

Ah yes. A plan! Before each networking event, decide specifically what you want to accomplish. Here are some ideas:

• Find someone who has done business with a prospect and ask what would be the best approach for a proposal
• Connect with 3 new people
• Ask for an introduction to someone you’d really like to meet
• Search out people in an industry you’d like to know more about
• Locate someone in a complementary business and chat them up to find out how you could be of mutual benefit

The last bit is important – if you’re going to ask (and receive), you need to reciprocate. It’s as easy as saying, “How can I help you?”

Women have a tough time asking…for anything. In the context of networking, only 4% of women talk about their career goals because (a) they’re afraid they’ll come across as being too ambitious or boastful and/or (b) if they tell others about their goals and they don’t reach them, they’ll be embarrassed.

Ladies…please! Ambitious or boastful? It’s all about appropriate communication. How about, “I’d love to work in the XYX industry. I’ve always been fascinated by ____ and all my education and training is taking me in that direction. What do you think is the best way to get my foot in the door?”

Or if you’re in business: “I’ve been focusing on ABC in my business for 20 years and my clients have gotten fantastic results. I love helping my clients grow their business!”

How is that boastful or ambitious?

And embarrassed? The BBC reports that dying of embarrassment does happen, although it is rare. Back in 1860, a maid was caught filching food from the pantry and died on the spot. Doctors at the time thought her death may have been caused by the rush of adrenaline.

Other cases are indirect – people who are embarrassed to talk about medical conditions until it is too late to provide effective treatment.

So take heart – to date, there have been no reported cases of women dying of embarrassment because they talked to others about their career or business goals.

Another way we’ve been doing it wrong is to put a happy face on our career or business situation. I strongly believe it’s important to be upbeat and positive, but neither is going to get you the help you need.

Say you’ve been having issues with a particular employee. There’s nothing wrong – and everything right – with telling someone, “I’ve been beating my head against a wall with one employee who does nothing but (fill in the blank). Have you ever dealt with someone like that? How did you resolve it?”

Or you can’t get deadbeats to pay their bills. How about: “I’m having a real issue with one company that always pays late. Do you have any ideas how I can get them to pay on time?”

You are not naming names, so it’s not gossip. You are being open and real. I can almost guarantee you that you will get more advice and tips than you ever thought possible. And after you get inundated with great ideas, then it’s your turn to say, “Thanks! What great ideas! How can I help you?”

This is how networking is done. Creating these links can help you grow and excel in your place of work or even find you new opportunities.

Best networking practices for women

Here are some other networking best practices that don’t rely on events:

• Broaden your network
  • Look for people who are different from you.
  • Focus on people who are outside your industry.
  • Connect with people at all levels – those junior and senior to you.
  • Become more visible through sponsorships, speaking engagements, guest blog posts and so on.
• Deepen your network
  • Spend 10%-20% of your workweek on networking.
  • Set up reminders on your calendar to reach out to a certain number of people in your network every week or month.
  • Collaborate with others, when possible.
  • Demonstrate value to those in your network.

Which of these points will you commit to do to improve your networking? Please share in the comments.